I’d rather be a happy, single mom than a miserable, married one.
We’re not actually married but you know what I mean.
And this is why I don’t like swimming in the ocean or get on boats. Kbai.
Still don’t have wifi in our apartment.
But baby is here and I’m enjoying being a mom.
Lucian is sleeping on me now and he squirms around for a little bit to fart and goes back to sleep.
It’s almost 2am and I’m wide awake, listening to Michael snore next to me.
Valentine’s Day is on Friday and I’m trying to prepare his gift. It’s nothing big, but I know he always likes the small things and he’s sentimental about gifts and cards, especially handmade things. I painted a round box into a Pokeball and I’m going to put candy in it. I don’t care if he likes the candy or not, I’ll eat it anyways. And I’ve been working on a poem for a card I’m making.
Last week we got into a huge fight and I set my mind on being a single mom. After the fight, we worked harder at making each other happy. I have to remember that not every day will be perfect, that a commitment means work, and sometimes that means working to stay in love. We won’t be happy all the time, we won’t feel in love all the time - but after everything we’ve been thru, after all of the demons and monsters we’ve seen, it’s always our love that gets us thru. Every morning and every night, there’s no one else I would rather be next to.
But I also know for a fact that if it really came down to it, I would always choose my child over any man. So it’s really important for me to get on my own feet fast so that if, not when, that day comes I can do it easily. I’m not afraid of being a single mom, I’m afraid of being trapped for too long… So I need to work on something.
Next Friday is my due date. NEXT WEEK IS MY DUE DATE. I know that doesn’t exactly mean I’ll go into labor on my due date, it could definitely be after or before. But to think that we’re almost at the finish line! We finally have a car seat and stroller. We still need diapers(!!!! trying not to panic!!!!!) and a crib/pack n play.
I’m trying as much as I can to not let myself stress out during these few weeks. I’m preparing for labor as much as I can by being as positive as I can.
Everything will be okay. Everything is okay.